pam Instagram photos, videos

after you say goodbye to me, you run back to my car to hand me a flower you just picked, then say goodbye to me all over again. in April you took me to see Pride & Prejudice in theaters, and I had never seen anyone that excited to see me watch a film that I love. in fact, you watch each one of my favorite films with just as much care and excitement, in the same loving manner as I do. you remember so many little details about me. you remember all my favorite things. you read my face and can instantly tell when something makes me sad. the last few months were so painful but I managed to get through every night because you would stay up with me until I fell asleep, even if it meant streaming the most mundane games for me or watching the silliest videos together (e.g. the marble olympics). I just never thought I would meet someone who cried as much as I do. I never thought I would meet someone so tenderhearted. the other day we were in the Safeway parking lot and you were mesmerized by this tree filled with birds. you were absolutely beaming. and the entire thing just brought me so much joy. I find joy in every minute I spend with you. I’m just trying to be even more present now within all that joy. to live in those pockets and not let them pass so easily like I used to. I don’t want to make the same tired mistakes that kept me from expressing love like I should have when I was younger. out of fear and anxiety. and worries that only seemed endless. now— every sad, lingering thought or bad dream I’ve had these past few months can’t compare to all the happiness you give me. I just need to remember that.

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17 days ago